[Special thanks to my brother, Fred,
who provided the excellent and indispens-
able story-structure for this Eulogy.]
A few words are in order as we celebrate the life of a
very special person — Janet McGuire, otherwise known as Aunt Janet — a
life-long conservative and 90-year old virgin (a doubly endangered species in
extremely blue Montgomery County). Not only did her nieces and nephews call her
Aunt Janet, but our friends and acquaintances called her Aunt Janet. She was, simply…Aunt Janet (or just, Janet).
Simple—though not-quite-as-sensible as her sternly frugal
father (Grandpap)— she was kind and liberally generous to a fault, to all and
everyone. In fact, every person who came into contact with her, every cousin, every grandchild and great grandchild, every friend that was introduced to her, all
were taken by her kind and thoughtful nature.
Janet was born in 1931 in Latrobe, among the hills of Western
Pennsylvania during the Great Depression.
As a kid she was a self-described, corn-silk-smoking, rough and tumble “tomboy.”
The youngest of four, she saw her two brothers go off to war and even her big
sister, our mother Hilda, went off to World War II as a Navy Wave. Our memories of Janet go back as far as we can
remember. She was like our third parent —
ever-present. She was there at first
communions and confirmations, May processions, and she was present at our
sports games, Thanksgiving dinners, and Christmas celebrations. Janet lovingly documented our childhood with
her super 8 camera. We still have those
films.
In 1953 Janet graduated from Seton Hill College (now “University”)
in Greensburg, PA. She was a psychology major who came close but never-quite-completed
the few remaining courses required for a Master’s degree. Along the way she
acquired some debating skills and during the course of her life she never tired
of honing those skills. Accordingly, she loved a good, lively, meaningful
conversation. She could be pedantic and combative because she was fiercely independent,
often testing the boundaries of those with whom she sparred. But she mellowed
with age and never tired of preaching forgiveness, especially for those times when
she would get carried away and perhaps get a bit overbearing with those she
loved. Her deep-seated traditional values were her touchstone to reality and
she didn’t give a hoot what you might think; if you crossed certain “red lines”
with her she would quickly let you know! And that’s how she gained the
reputation of being “conservatively opinionated.”
Though self-protective, Janet gradually learned to tread
more lightly and be more mindful of the feelings of others, i.e., gaining
wisdom in old age. But even toward the end, Janet “would be heard” and she forever
refused to be “bossed around.” Without the charm of humor she might have grown
bitter and withdrawn. But she was blessed with an incredible ability to joke
and laugh — to not take herself too seriously — and thus she generally transcended
any descent into such dark places.
That’s not to say she didn’t hold her ground.
Janet had what seemed like a fathomless ability to bear wounds in silence while
always hoping for hurts to be reconciled without her actively pushing too hard at it. This stoic
nature of hers was a testament to a Faith that fueled her values: that is, she allowed
others the time to work things out for themselves while she prayed mightily for
them, as well as for her own shortcomings. And yet, as devout a Catholic as she
was, Aunt Janet was not preachy when it came to Jesus. She didn’t wear religion
on her sleeve, so to speak. Rather, she sought to inculcate her beliefs in her
daily conduct; not in a pompously religious way but in a matter-of-fact “life-way”
of being a Believer.
In 1955 Janet moved-into our house with us in Friendship
Heights, Chevy Chase, Maryland. She loved her big sister — our mom, ten years
her senior — and she was a huge help to my mother in raising her eight
kids. She was like a nanny — but a cool
nanny. She was young and pretty — she
was funny and had an infectious laugh and she always had a sense of
adventure. She would take us fishing,
take us bowling, and take us out to dinner. As a matter of fact, as a young kid I remember
her taking some of us to a Chinese restaurant for the first time and teaching
us how to use chopsticks… (so exotic!)
In 1962 Grandpap bought a house in what would later become
known as the “Green Mile.” From that point on she lived at 4610 Davidson Drive,
about a mile away from us. Her phone
number was the first phone number, other than ours, that we learned by heart — Oliver
4-1369. If you were lucky, you would go over to Janet’s for a sleepover — where
you could stay up late watching the late, late show — eat popcorn, snacks you
couldn’t get at home, and just hang out with Aunt Janet.
It wasn’t easy defining what her career was. She had a handful of jobs. She excelled at
each of them, but we could never quite get a handle on what she was…she wasn’t a lawyer or a doctor or
an accountant or whatever…she was, well, just Aunt Janet. She lived her entire life serving others selflessly.
During the early days of desegregation, she taught grade school in the DC inner
city. When the Vietnam War was raging,
she took a job as Director of the USO in Manila — which was a popular R&R stopover
for soldiers and sailors. After two
other stints with the USO, in Rome and Atlanta, she again settled back home at
4610 Davidson Drive in Chevy Chase.
Once back, she worked briefly at Georgetown University, and in 1986 she served as the first Director of the Friendship Heights Village
Community Center (which was subsequently built directly across the street from where
our old house in Friendship Heights used to be).
But having come home, she essentially became a caregiver
to her aged parents: Mary and John, and a caregiver to her brother, our Uncle Bobby,
who had suffered mental difficulties due to the war. After being treated in veteran’s
hospitals for years, Uncle Bobby finally settled-in at 4610 and Janet took
excellent care of him — always making sure he had good meals, beer and Camel,
non-filter cigarettes. Budweiser and Camels were his hobby.
While she held court at 4610, she had a never-ending
stream of visitors — mostly her nieces and nephews. Going to see Janet was excellent
therapy. You could confide in Janet, share secrets, and get advice from her. She was always available to those she
loved. She cared about your travails and the bumps and turns in your life. She
was always optimistic, full of hope, empathy and love. She was the best. She would always offer a meal or a drink and
she loved to shoot the bull over a beer. She was a friend, a counselor, a
therapist. We had so many laughs. She acted as referee and judge and jury in
family squabbles. She was always fair and loved us all equally (although
everyone knew Jack was her favorite).
When Fred’s twin sister, Jane, was stricken with terminal
cancer, she sought shelter at Janet’s house and chose to spend her last days
there with Aunt Janet looking after her. And Janet stoically and lovingly cared
for her, along with our sisters — always serving others.
As she aged, she took up golf and got a handful of us
kids into golf. Fred especially enjoyed rounds of golf with her – “It was a
great way to catch up and fill her in on my kids’ activities and my work. She
was always interested in what you were doing and it was ‘never about her.’ She
was so giving and she was a great listener.”
As a staunch supporter of the second amendment, one day
she went to a shooting range to brush up on her gun skills. Unfortunately, she
didn’t wear the proper ear protection and it damaged her hearing permanently.
So after that, visits to Aunt Janet’s weren’t the same…you had to yell so she
could hear you. “HOW ARE YOU JANET?? THE
KIDS ARE DOING GREAT – QUINT GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL….LIVI GOT INTO
COLLEGE…!!” It was challenging to have
a conversation, but she never lost her sense of humor.
During the last few years when her health was failing,
her nieces and nephews were there for her. Jack helped manage her household and looked after her business and the
property up in Somerset, Pennsylvania that has been in the family for 100 years, and he was a constant companion. Rosemary
was head nurse and made sure that she had quality caregivers and went to her
medical appointments. Susie , Madeline
and Jennifer visited often and were always available when needed. “Kip and I would
visit, though not as much. But if we couldn’t visit, we would call….‘HELLO JANET – IT’S FREDDY….FREDDY!’ ”
We are so grateful that we could share in her 90+ years on
this Earth. And as we lay Janet to eternal rest, we honor our loving and loyal Aunt
Janet ….[looking at the casket] “I SAID ‘REST IN PEACE!’ ”
And so the memories of our beloved Aunt Janet are rooted
in that lively and lovely woman who cared for us as kids and never gave up on
us. As her hair thinned and her feet turned purple and she started going
through mountains of diapers and endless packs of cigarettes, Janet yet retained
a quiet dignity and modesty. The beauty of those many years of selfless
devotion to her family were enshrined in her simple and sensible convictions
that guided a whole life, a life that always sought the zest of living, yet one
that accepted her personal fate of voluntary solitude, not-so-much as an old maid but as someone devoted to the life of her choice.
And so, in parting, we recognize the loving attentions offered
to our aunt and adoptive mother by Zee, Jo Ann, and especially Alex. Janet
loved all of you with the same love she held for all of us. God bless you all
and God bless your families. We remain ever grateful to you for your friendship
and helping hands.
As we age we are all
being transmogrified by those mutations caused by the vagaries of time. But
hold fast to your soul, honor your values and say your prayers, as Aunt Janet
did, and you’ll be able to say that you lived a life worth living. God
willing, you will also have, as Janet did, all of those helping hands in your old
age that also allow you to die well.
