Eulogy for Aunt Janet McGuire

 

[Special thanks to my brother, Fred,
who provided the excellent and indispens-
able story-structure for this Eulogy.]

A few words are in order as we celebrate the life of a very special person — Janet McGuire, otherwise known as Aunt Janet — a life-long conservative and 90-year old virgin (a doubly endangered species in extremely blue Montgomery County). Not only did her nieces and nephews call her Aunt Janet, but our friends and acquaintances called her Aunt Janet. She was, simply…Aunt Janet (or just, Janet).

Simple—though not-quite-as-sensible as her sternly frugal father (Grandpap)— she was kind and liberally generous to a fault, to all and everyone. In fact, every person who came into contact with her, every cousin, every grandchild and great grandchild, every friend that was introduced to her, all were taken by her kind and thoughtful nature.

Janet was born in 1931 in Latrobe, among the hills of Western Pennsylvania during the Great Depression.  As a kid she was a self-described, corn-silk-smoking, rough and tumble “tomboy.” The youngest of four, she saw her two brothers go off to war and even her big sister, our mother Hilda, went off to World War II as a Navy Wave.  Our memories of Janet go back as far as we can remember. She was like our third parent — ever-present.  She was there at first communions and confirmations, May processions, and she was present at our sports games, Thanksgiving dinners, and Christmas celebrations. Janet lovingly documented our childhood with her super 8 camera. We still have those films.

In 1953 Janet graduated from Seton Hill College (now “University”) in Greensburg, PA. She was a psychology major who came close but never-quite-completed the few remaining courses required for a Master’s degree. Along the way she acquired some debating skills and during the course of her life she never tired of honing those skills. Accordingly, she loved a good, lively, meaningful conversation. She could be pedantic and combative because she was fiercely independent, often testing the boundaries of those with whom she sparred. But she mellowed with age and never tired of preaching forgiveness, especially for those times when she would get carried away and perhaps get a bit overbearing with those she loved. Her deep-seated traditional values were her touchstone to reality and she didn’t give a hoot what you might think; if you crossed certain “red lines” with her she would quickly let you know! And that’s how she gained the reputation of being “conservatively opinionated.”

Though self-protective, Janet gradually learned to tread more lightly and be more mindful of the feelings of others, i.e., gaining wisdom in old age. But even toward the end, Janet “would be heard” and she forever refused to be “bossed around.” Without the charm of humor she might have grown bitter and withdrawn. But she was blessed with an incredible ability to joke and laugh — to not take herself too seriously — and thus she generally transcended any descent into such dark places. 

That’s not to say she didn’t hold her ground. Janet had what seemed like a fathomless ability to bear wounds in silence while always hoping for hurts to be reconciled without her actively pushing too hard at it. This stoic nature of hers was a testament to a Faith that fueled her values: that is, she allowed others the time to work things out for themselves while she prayed mightily for them, as well as for her own shortcomings. And yet, as devout a Catholic as she was, Aunt Janet was not preachy when it came to Jesus. She didn’t wear religion on her sleeve, so to speak. Rather, she sought to inculcate her beliefs in her daily conduct; not in a pompously religious way but in a matter-of-fact “life-way” of being a Believer.  

In 1955 Janet moved-into our house with us in Friendship Heights, Chevy Chase, Maryland. She loved her big sister — our mom, ten years her senior — and she was a huge help to my mother in raising her eight kids. She was like a nanny — but a cool nanny. She was young and pretty — she was funny and had an infectious laugh and she always had a sense of adventure.  She would take us fishing, take us bowling, and take us out to dinner. As a matter of fact, as a young kid I remember her taking some of us to a Chinese restaurant for the first time and teaching us how to use chopsticks… (so exotic!) 

In 1962 Grandpap bought a house in what would later become known as the “Green Mile.” From that point on she lived at 4610 Davidson Drive, about a mile away from us. Her phone number was the first phone number, other than ours, that we learned by heart — Oliver 4-1369. If you were lucky, you would go over to Janet’s for a sleepover — where you could stay up late watching the late, late show — eat popcorn, snacks you couldn’t get at home, and just hang out with Aunt Janet.

It wasn’t easy defining what her career was. She had a handful of jobs. She excelled at each of them, but we could never quite get a handle on what she was…she wasn’t a lawyer or a doctor or an accountant or whatever…she was, well, just Aunt Janet.  She lived her entire life serving others selflessly. During the early days of desegregation, she taught grade school in the DC inner city.  When the Vietnam War was raging, she took a job as Director of the USO in Manila — which was a popular R&R stopover for soldiers and sailors. After two other stints with the USO, in Rome and Atlanta, she again settled back home at 4610 Davidson Drive in Chevy Chase.

Once back, she worked briefly at Georgetown University, and in 1986 she served as the first Director of the Friendship Heights Village Community Center (which was subsequently built directly across the street from where our old house in Friendship Heights used to be).

But having come home, she essentially became a caregiver to her aged parents: Mary and John, and a caregiver to her brother, our Uncle Bobby, who had suffered mental difficulties due to the war. After being treated in veteran’s hospitals for years, Uncle Bobby finally settled-in at 4610 and Janet took excellent care of him — always making sure he had good meals, beer and Camel, non-filter cigarettes. Budweiser and Camels were his hobby.

While she held court at 4610, she had a never-ending stream of  visitors — mostly her nieces and nephews. Going to see Janet was excellent therapy. You could confide in Janet, share secrets, and get advice from her. She was always available to those she loved. She cared about your travails and the bumps and turns in your life. She was always optimistic, full of hope, empathy and love. She was the best. She would always offer a meal or a drink and she loved to shoot the bull over a beer. She was a friend, a counselor, a therapist.  We had so many laughs. She acted as referee and judge and jury in family squabbles. She was always fair and loved us all equally (although everyone knew Jack was her favorite). 

When Fred’s twin sister, Jane, was stricken with terminal cancer, she sought shelter at Janet’s house and chose to spend her last days there with Aunt Janet looking after her. And Janet stoically and lovingly cared for her, along with our sisters — always serving others.

As she aged, she took up golf and got a handful of us kids into golf. Fred especially enjoyed rounds of golf with her – “It was a great way to catch up and fill her in on my kids’ activities and my work. She was always interested in what you were doing and it was ‘never about her.’ She was so giving and she was a great listener.”

As a staunch supporter of the second amendment, one day she went to a shooting range to brush up on her gun skills. Unfortunately, she didn’t wear the proper ear protection and it damaged her hearing permanently. So after that, visits to Aunt Janet’s weren’t the same…you had to yell so she could hear you. “HOW ARE YOU JANET??  THE KIDS ARE DOING GREAT – QUINT GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL….LIVI GOT INTO COLLEGE…!!”  It was challenging to have a conversation, but she never lost her sense of humor. 

During the last few years when her health was failing, her nieces and nephews were there for her. Jack helped manage her household and looked after her business and the property up in Somerset, Pennsylvania that has been in the family for 100 years, and he was a constant companion. Rosemary was head nurse and made sure that she had quality caregivers and went to her medical appointments. Susie , Madeline and Jennifer visited often and were always available when needed. “Kip and I would visit, though not as much. But if we couldn’t visit, we would  call….‘HELLO JANET – IT’S FREDDY….FREDDY!’ ”

We are so grateful that we could share in her 90+ years on this Earth. And as we lay Janet to eternal rest, we honor our loving and loyal Aunt Janet ….[looking at the casket] “I SAID ‘REST IN PEACE!’ ”

And so the memories of our beloved Aunt Janet are rooted in that lively and lovely woman who cared for us as kids and never gave up on us. As her hair thinned and her feet turned purple and she started going through mountains of diapers and endless packs of cigarettes, Janet yet retained a quiet dignity and modesty. The beauty of those many years of selfless devotion to her family were enshrined in her simple and sensible convictions that guided a whole life, a life that always sought the zest of living, yet one that accepted her personal fate of voluntary solitude, not-so-much as an old maid but as someone devoted to the life of her choice.

And so, in parting, we recognize the loving attentions offered to our aunt and adoptive mother by Zee, Jo Ann, and especially Alex. Janet loved all of you with the same love she held for all of us. God bless you all and God bless your families. We remain ever grateful to you for your friendship and helping hands. 

As we age we are all being transmogrified by those mutations caused by the vagaries of time. But hold fast to your soul, honor your values and say your prayers, as Aunt Janet did, and you’ll be able to say that you lived a life worth living. God willing, you will also have, as Janet did, all of those helping hands in your old age that also allow you to die well.